I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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