My vagina just recognized that song.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
