areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
