I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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