Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
