exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
