2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize