Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
