were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
