Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
