So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
