I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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