Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
