she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
