hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
