Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize