i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
