capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
