She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
