So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
