Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
as a side note pls kill me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
