My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
