Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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