someone threw a dead crab at me
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
