He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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