Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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