I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
