I looked at my own cervix.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
