i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
