you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
