Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
