i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
is wine microwaveable?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
