doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
