Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My vagina just clenched in fear
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
