If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
