my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
