I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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