dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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