After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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