But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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