my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
