I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize