We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize