My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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