More tranny stories later!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
