I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
