Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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