If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
