would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
