Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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