Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
