Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
