I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
