the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
