dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
