I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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