The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
