you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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