I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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