What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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