i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
