wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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