I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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