no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
