Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
